Deal With It!

A Companion Workbook to The R.S.V.P. Program

Relaxation Skills and Violence prevention

Introduction to Coping with
Stress

Stress: Any demand on the mind and body

Did you know?  Stress can be both external and internal

External: outside of you, environment.  These things could include work overload, family, school, detention center, friends and peers.

Internal: inside of your head, mind, thoughts.  These things could include being angry, having high expectations, or being a perfectionist.

There are many signs of stress that help you know when you or someone around you is stressed.

1.  Body: heart pumps faster, blood pressure rises, breathing faster, sleep problems, loss of appetite.

2.  Mental: feelings of uneasiness, boredom with life, fear of death, depression, anxiety, holding back anger, irritability with friends or family.

3.  Behavioral:  easily started, easily angered, crying often, short tempered. 

Not all stress is bad!!

What do you think are some examples of bad stress?

___________________________________________________________________

___________________________________________________________________

___________________________________________________________________

How about some examples of good stress?

___________________________________________________________________

___________________________________________________________________

___________________________________________________________________

Stress is unavoidable, but there are ways of coping.  Do you know any?

___________________________________________________________________

___________________________________________________________________

___________________________________________________________________

Find out how stressed you are, then use this workbook to help you deal with the stress.

For a fun review, turn to the next page, and Find and circle the words that have to do with stress coping.  (Answers found on the answer page)

Coping With Stress Word Search
Find the words in boldface in the grid below

W N D F J F N R O T H X N S G G 
E E X E R C I S E L C S U M W T 
C E T I E E L F M L L D L E A A 
N M S E P P W A G N E A E N A S 
G N I P O C B T N N N E D T G T 
G L S E S E Y R J R O W Z A L H 
H F R O I V A H E B E S F L E S 
B R E A T H E T P A O T V N S A 
A M F I I X N E P E T P X I T P 
X S I S V I R E L A X H R E S T 
R G Y R E G A M I D E D I U G S 
E R D K J C Y H C A D I U N S W 
E M O Q E X R S G N W O F S G X 
G U B F H R G A E U H O X R R E 
E V U R M L N F W Z A M R S S V 
L L E P N T A E M Y I L C K I N

1.  Anger comes in different forms, and is not always obvious.
2.  Anger can be physical, verbal, or behavioral
3.  Many parts of your body can be used in PMR.  
4.  Breathe, a few deep breaths will help you relax
5.  Coping with stress will help you make better decisions everyday.
6.  In order to do deep breathing you will need to pick a word or phrase to focus on.
7.  Exercise is a healthy way to cope with stress.
8.  External stress is outside of you.
9.  Using Guided imagery lets you imagine your own safe place to handle stress 
10. Internal stress is inside of your head.
11. Laugh and think positive to help reduce stress
12. Feeling uneasy, bored, irritable, and anxious are mental signs of stress
13. Tensing and relaxing your muscles helps relieve stress.
14. Finding your peaceful, safe place can help you relax
15. Progressive muscle relaxation (pmr) is an effective technique in coping with stress
16. After tensing your muscles, notice how good it feels to relax them.  
17. Get rest to help handle stress

Circle the number that best fits for each question to find out how stressed you are

1. I often get really frustrated when things go wrong with home, work, or school.	Often	Sometimes	Never	
	
3	
2	
1	

2.  When I’m feeling stressed, I say and do things like I am in a hurry.	
3	
2	
1	

3.  I have a fear that my life is too hard.	
3	
2	
1	

4.  I do what I am told to do	
3	
2	
1	

5.  I am an angry or aggressive person.	
3	
2	
1	

6.  I get physical exercise on a regular basis.	
3	
2	
1	

7.  I do at least three of the following things: alcohol, smoking, coffee, and over-eating.	
3	
2	
1	

8.  I often feel nervous or upset.	
3	
2	
1	

9.  My muscles feel tight or cramped during the day.	
3	
2	
1	

10.  I sometimes wake up with muscle cramps during the night.	
3	
2	
1	

11. I often feel tired and exhausted, for no reason	3	2	1	

12.  I often have more than one or two bad headaches a week.	
3	
2	
1	

13.  It usually takes more than one hour for me to fall asleep.	
3	
2	
1	

14.  I sometimes wake up in the middle of the night or very early in the morning more than once or twice a week.	
3	
2	
1	

15.  I often have painful stomach aches more than once or twice a week.	
3	
2	
1	

16.  I often feel nervous and can’t keep still.	
3	
2	
1	
                                                            
                                                           			Subtotal           _____            _____              _____

Turn Page for scoring - >
Scoring:

High Stress		39-48

Medium Stress	28-38

Low Stress		1-27

Whether you have high, medium, or low stress there are ways in dealing with it without violence.  The next few pages give you some quick tips and review techniques learned to help cope with stress.

Quick Tips for Coping with Stress

•	Identify what is stressing you out.

•	How do you respond to stress? Does this make you feel worse or make the problem worse?

•	Talk to someone-like a friend.

•	Take responsibility for the way you respond to stress.

•	Don’t do drugs or alcohol when you are stressed out, these things will only make it worse.

•	Exercise regularly. It relaxes your tensed muscles and increases your energy.

•	Eat a balanced diet.

•	Get rest. Lack of sleep makes it harder to handle stress.

•	Set goals for yourself.

•	Break big tasks down into small steps.

•	Breathe. A few deep breaths will help to relax.

•	Laugh and think positive. Talk to people who make you laugh to reduce your stress.

•	LEARN TO RELAX! And remember- About the only part of your life you can completely control is your attitude.

       Deep Breathing      

To set the scene for deep breathing you will need to…….

1.  Sit comfortably and relax

2.  Clear your mind of any thoughts or worries

Why deep breathing?

Like the other techniques you learned, it helps you relax!  It is true that people can learn to be tense and anxious, but they can also be taught to relax.  When we are relaxed, we are more in control of our body, feelings, and tension.  Essentially relaxing can help clear your mind and help make better decisions.

Remember, a relaxed person is a happy person

Tip:  To help you deep breathe, choose a word or phrase and repeat it to yourself.  For example, counting from one to two several times (1, 2, 1, 2, …) or repeating the word baseball.  Doing this helps clear your mind of everyday worries.

Is your breathing deep or shallow?

Place your right hand on your stomach and your left on your chest and breathe.  Which hand raises more?  If the hand on your chest rises more than the hand on your stomach, then you are taking shallow breaths.  Deep breathing means breathing so your chest and stomach rise together. 

Now, practice your deep breathing by following these steps

1.   Close your eyes
2.   Focus on your breathing
3.   Imagine your lungs are like a balloon filling with air
4.   Breathe in through your nose as if a balloon is expanding in your lungs.
5.   Breathe out slowly through your mouth as if you are letting air out of this balloon. 
6.   Concentrate on your deep breathing while letting your body relax.
7.   Notice your chest rising as you breathe in.
8.   Continue deep breathing, and repeat your word or phrase as you do so.
9.   Focus
10. Allow your muscles to relax, imagine you are floating in water.
11. Continue the steps for deep breathing for several minutes.

                                  Now is a good time to listen to Track 1 on your CD

There are benefits to using deep breathing everyday.

You know whether your body is tense or relaxed
It will be easier for you to relax when you are stressed out
You may feel more relaxed all the time
Your concentration will improve.

You can practice deep breathing anytime, and over time you may notice an improvement on responding to problems in everyday life.  To review, being more relaxed means being more in control of you in stressful situations.  When you are more in control of yourself during these times, you can make better decisions and respond in a more appropriate manner.  

Make sure to fill out the Before and After Worksheet while doing this technique.

1.  Find a room where you can see a clock.

2.  Make sure this is a quiet, comfortable place.

3.  Sit with your eyes closed.

4.  Imagine your lungs are like a balloon filling with air.

5.  Take a deep breath in through your nose as if a balloon is expanding in your lungs.

6.  Breathe slowly out though your mouth as if gradually letting air out of the balloon.

7.  Repeat your chosen word or phrase silently to yourself as you slowly inhale and exhale.

8.  Practice this every day, 3 or more times a day.

You can use the chart below to record how many times you have used this relaxation technique over the next seven days.

Day 1	Day 2	Day 3	Day 4	Day 5	Day 6	Day 7	

                                                   

BEFORE							(Circle One Number)
							
						          Very Tense	       Neither	     Very Relaxed

          Before relaxing I feel:				1	2	3	4	5	6	7	

   AFTER
						           Very Tense	       Neither	     Very Relaxed

         After relaxing I feel:					1	2	3	4	5	6	7	

Do you feel as though you are less stressed now that you have done the relaxation? (Circle One)

                                       Yes						No

How?

_____________________________________________________________________________

_____________________________________________________________________________

_____________________________________________________________________________

_____________________________________________________________________________

_____________________________________________________________________________				

Progressive Muscle Relaxation

P.M.R.- How muscles can be used to relax

One reason relaxation techniques are used is because stress 
can hurt your body in many ways.

When you are stressed….
1.  the body cant fight off illness as well.
2.  Bones can become weaker and more brittle. 
3.  You can get more headaches and stomach aches.
4.  The heart can get damaged by increased blood pressure.
5. Your sight, hearing, taste, smell, and sense of touch become worn out over time.  

The basics of PMR are tensing and relaxing your muscles.  You can do this in almost any place and it does not take that long.  You can try doing this in you car, at home, work, or school.  

The following parts are one’s in which you can tense and relax.
-The hands and fists
-upper arms and shoulders
-the face muscles
-neck
-stomach
-thighs

Activity-  Find the parts on the body that can be used with PMR and circle them

1.  Sit in a chair with arm rests if possible.
2.  When tensing, feel the muscles pull and notice what it’s like to feel tension in these muscles and they stay hard and tight.  
3.  When relaxing, just let your muscles go, notice the difference between tension and relaxation, and focus on the feeling of your muscles becoming more and more relaxed.
4.  Follow this list of muscle groups as we practiced in the session.

REMEMBER:  Continue to breathe slowly and deeply while releasing all tension left throughout your body.

Now would be a good time to listen to track 2 on your CD.

TENSE BODY AREA	HOLD TIME	RELEASE	
Hands by making a tight fist.	Count to 7	Let go of tension and relax for 30 seconds.	
Upper arms by making a fist and bringing the tension to your shoulders.	Count to 7	Let go of tension and relax for 30 seconds	
Shoulders by bringing both shoulders up towards your ears.	Count to 7	Let go of tension and relax for 30 seconds	
Upper part of your face by wrinkling your forehead and lifting your eyebrows as high as you can.	Count to 7	Let go of tension and relax for 30 seconds	
Middle of face by closing your eyes very tightly and scrunching your nose.	Count to 7	Let go of tension and relax for 30 seconds	
Neck and chest by pulling your chin down towards your chest.	Count to 7	Let go of tension and relax for 30 seconds	
Stomach by making your stomach hard.	Count to 7	Let go of tension and relax for 30 seconds	
Upper part of legs by squeezing your muscles as hard as you can.	Count to 7	Let go of tension and relax for 30 seconds	
Lower part of legs by pulling your toes up towards the ceiling.	Count to 7	Let go of tension and relax for 30 seconds	
Chest, shoulders, and upper back by taking a deep breath, holding it, and at the same time pulling your shoulders back.	Count to 7	Let go of tension and relax for 30 seconds	

Now, track your progress using PMR over the next seven days.

Day 1	Day 2	Day 3	Day 4	Day 5	Day 6	Day 7	

BEFORE							(Circle One Number)
							
						          Very Tense	       Neither	     Very Relaxed

          Before relaxing I feel:				1	2	3	4	5	6	7	

   AFTER
						           Very Tense	       Neither	     Very Relaxed

         After relaxing I feel:					1	2	3	4	5	6	7	

Do you feel as though you are less stressed now that you have done the relaxation? (Circle One)

                                       Yes						No

How?

_____________________________________________________________________________

_____________________________________________________________________________

_____________________________________________________________________________

_____________________________________________________________________________

_____________________________________________________________________________				

Guided Imagery

Knowing Anger & Aggression

Did you know?  There are different types of anger and aggression.  Sometimes you may feel angry without even knowing it.

Activity:  Match the action to the type of anger and write your answers in the boxes below.

Name-Calling
Rage

Saying bad things about others
stealing
shoving
nagging                                                                                  
kicking
whining
trouble-making
teasing
always wanting to be alone
hitting
refusing to listen to others
threatening with a weapon
flashes of temper
refusing to talk

(see the answer page for answers!)

Physical
Directly actions against other people &, things	Verbal
Hurtful things you may say	Behavioral
Indirect actions against other people &, things	

			

Continued…       

Notice some actions clearly show anger and aggression (rage, hitting) while others are more subtle (wanting to be alone, not listening to others).  Feeling angry comes in different forms.

What have you said when angry?  When not angry?

__________________________________________________________________________________________

__________________________________________________________________________________________

__________________________________________________________________________________________

Have you done any of the actions listed above while angry?  Why?  Have you done these while not angry?

__________________________________________________________________________________________

__________________________________________________________________________________________

__________________________________________________________________________________________

Have you experienced any of the behavioral actions while angry or not angry?

__________________________________________________________________________________________

__________________________________________________________________________________________

__________________________________________________________________________________________

The point is, you may feel angry without realizing it.  When you know you’re feeling angry, it could be easier to handle.  Learning ways to handle your anger could help you make better decisions.

Using Guided Imagery

Why guided imagery?

Your thoughts impact your feelings, if you think of sad things you will feel sad.  The same goes with anger.  If you keep thinking positive and happy thoughts, you may feel better.  

Before you use guided imagery, let’s plan what image you will use….

Where will your “safe place” be?
____________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

What will you hear in your safe place?
______________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

What will you see?
______________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

What will you smell?
______________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

What will be around you?  Reach out and touch it, how will it feel?
______________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

Remember your answers to these questions each time you visit your safe place

To use guided imagery, start with deep breathing and create your own special, safe place to relax using your answers to the questions above. 

Now is a good time to listen to your CD

Review:  Thinking of a peaceful, safe place can help lower your angry feelings.

“One of the greatest discoveries ever made is that you can change your life by changing your attitude”  -William James

“It’s not what life brings us, but
 how we react to it that is important”

“Most of the important things in the world have
 been done by people who have kept on trying when
 there seemed to be no hope at all.”

“In the middle of every difficulty you will find
opportunities to change and grow as a person.”
~ Albert Einstein

•	Find a quiet, comfortable place.
•	Let your body relax.
•	Slowly take 5 deep breaths.  Imagine the balloon in your chest.
•	Breathe in through your nose and out through your mouth.
•	Take 5 more deep breaths.

Now you are ready for guided imagery.  You may have a friend read this to you or you can make-up your own imagery as you think of it.  Try to remember the special place you imagined during class.

1.  Go to your safe place, sit down and be totally comfortable.

2.  Close your eyes… Walk slowly to a quiet place in your mind… It needs to be peaceful and safe… Picture yourself unloading everything that makes you worried…

3.  Notice the view in the distance… Notice what is around you…Reach out and touch it…How does it feel?   Smell it…Hear it…

4.  Make the temperature comfortable…Be safe here…Look around for a special spot, a private spot…Find the path to this place…Feel the ground with your feet…Look about you…What do you see?  Hear?...Smell?...Walk down this path until you can enter your own quiet, comfortable, safe place.

5.  You have arrived at your special place…What is under your feet?...How does it feel?...Take several steps…What do you see above you?  What do you hear?

6.  Reach out and touch something…How does it feel against your fingertips?...Look as far as you can see…What do you see?...What smells do you notice?

7.  Continue to imagine being in your special place.  This is your place and nothing can harm you here…If danger is here, get rid of it…Spend the next couple of minutes realizing you are relaxed, safe, and comfortable.  Remember this special place you have created so you can come back and relax whenever you want.

8.  Memorize the place’s smells, tastes, sights, sounds…Leave by the same path or entrance…Look far away and enjoy the view…Remind yourself that this special place you created can be entered whenever you wish.  Say to yourself that, “ I can relax here…This is my safe place….I can come here whenever I wish.”

Use this chart to record how many times you have used this relaxation technique.

1st Day	2nd Day	3rd Day	4th Day	5th Day	6th Day	7th Day	

BEFORE							(Circle One Number)
							
						          Very Tense	       Neither	     Very Relaxed

          Before relaxing I feel:				1	2	3	4	5	6	7	

   AFTER
						           Very Tense	       Neither	     Very Relaxed

         After relaxing I feel:					1	2	3	4	5	6	7	

Do you feel as though you are less stressed now that you have done the relaxation? (Circle One)

                                       Yes						No

How?

_____________________________________________________________________________

_____________________________________________________________________________

_____________________________________________________________________________

_____________________________________________________________________________

   What works for you???

                                                      To review:
   Deep Breathing:  Breathing in a certain way while focusing on a single word  
     	     	 helps make you feel relaxed.  Remember, “breathe in relaxation, breathe out  
         		 tension”  
   Progressive Muscle Relaxation (PMR):  Tensing muscle groups and releasing 
         		   helps relieve tension in the body.

  Guided Imagery:  Using your imagination to help relax, you could think of   
          		 places such as the beach, the lake, or a quiet getaway.  Remember, your  
          		 thoughts are greatly connected with how you feel.  Getting rid of stressful  
         	 	 thoughts helps eliminate stressful feelings.

Which technique did you like the best?  Why?
__________________________________________________________________________________________

__________________________________________________________________________________________

__________________________________________________________________________________________

How often did you practice the techniques on your own?
__________________________________________________________________________________________

__________________________________________________________________________________________

__________________________________________________________________________________________

Which was the most relaxing?
__________________________________________________________________________________________

__________________________________________________________________________________________

__________________________________________________________________________________________

Which ones were harder?
__________________________________________________________________________________________

__________________________________________________________________________________________

__________________________________________________________________________________________

Did using these techniques become easier for you as you practiced them?
__________________________________________________________________________________________

__________________________________________________________________________________________

__________________________________________________________________________________________

In what ways do you think stress affects your life?
__________________________________________________________________________________________

__________________________________________________________________________________________

__________________________________________________________________________________________

Activity:  Unscramble these phrases to find the best times to use the techniques!

Erlay minnorg=   _________________________________________________________

brefoe selep=      _________________________________________________________
  
atefr a abd ady = _________________________________________________________

feienlg scik=       _________________________________________________________

flineeg saercd=   _________________________________________________________

flineeg nueorvs= _________________________________________________________

See the answer page for answers

Closing note:  There are many ways to relax and distress, some ways work better for some people.  Keep practicing these techniques to find the one that works the best for you.  

         Answer Page            

Coping With Stress: Answers to Word Search     

W N D F J F N R O T H X N S G G 
E E X E R C I S E L C S U M W T 
C E T I E E L F M L L D L E A A 
N M S E P P W A G N E A E N A S 
G N I P O C B T N N N E D T G T 
G L S E S E Y R J R O W Z A L H 
H F R O I V A H E B E S F L E S 
B R E A T H E T P A O T V N S A 
A M F I I X N E P E T P X I T P 
X S I S V I R E L A X H R E S T 
R G Y R E G A M I D E D I U G S 
E R D K J C Y H C A D I U N S W 
E M O Q E X R S G N W O F S G X 
G U B F H R G A E U H O X R R E 
E V U R M L N F W Z A M R S S V 
L L E P N T A E M Y I L C K I N

Guided Imagery   

Answers to Matching the Types of Anger and Agression

Physical	Verbal	Behavioral	
Rage
Shoving
Kicking
Hitting
Threatening with a weapon	Name-calling
Nagging
Whining
Teasing
Flashes of Temper	Saying bad things about others
Sealing
Trouble-making
Always wanting to be alone
Refusing to listen to others
Refusing to talk	

What works for you???

Answers to Word Scramble

These are good times to use the relaxation techniques you learned…

Early Morning
Before Sleep
After a bad day
Feeling sick
Feeling scared
Feeling nervous

Notes: _________________________________________________
____________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________