Most students who ask me to critique their rough draft for a personal statement provide me with a chronological description of their lives, highlighting experiences that they feel have contributed to their desire to become health professionals. This is a good starting point, but does not make a distinctive, memorable, or convincing personal statement. The people who read personal statements may read several hundred--yours should distinguish you from the hundreds of other applicants with similar paper credentials. Giving specific details of your unique experiences and linking each experience to what you learned from it, or how it changed you, will make your statement both more descriptive and more memorable.

There are several general comments that I find apply to the majority of the statements that I read.

In all cases, be careful to correct all errors of spelling, punctuation and grammar--make sure those are perfect, regardless of any other changes you might make. There should be no typographical or grammatical errors at all.

Usually, the subjects students choose to cover are fine--it is the approach that I usually suggest changing. Most draft statements that I have read are very chronological (I did this, then I did that, then I went there and did something else.) Try to change the emphasis from sequential descriptions of the events in your life to discussion of certain events that were most important to you or to the development of some particular aspect of your character or your motivation to attend a professional school.

The statements are also usually very I-dominant (I did this, next I did that, I ....). I recommend changing that, if only by rewording some sentences.

Identify certain classes of experiences that you feel have molded you into the person you are today and the person you would like them to accept into professional school. Use your supporting text to provide emphasis and detail about each class of experience.

For instance, you might describe various types of formative events-- family-related experiences, service-related experiences, or international experiences. In each of these you probably learned things about yourself, your ability to relate to or to help others, and about your motivation toward professional school. Put the emphasis on what you learned, rather than on the order in which you learned it. Each formative experience may have given you insight into some aspect of your character, your personality, that would be relevant--point that out. Be sure to add as many specific details as you have room for. Add lots, and then edit it down to size.

Have people who know you well read your draft statement, and read it out loud to you. You read it out loud to someone else. Make sure it still sounds like you after you edit it. Make sure the English is perfect.

Elsewhere in your application, there are factual details (dates, schools, etc.) regarding your education and other aspects of your life--don't include them in your statement unless they are essential to help the reader understand the importance of what you are describing.

On the 2001 AMCAS application personal statement (for medical school), there may be a specific question that asks you to write about where/how you envision your professional practice ten years from now. Such a question might also appear appear in a supplemental or secondary application. In answering this sort of question, I would give more than just a straightforward answer. Explain with specific examples why you would have made the choices that would lead your professional practice in a particular direction.

I would talk about whether it would be a family practice, or you would be working as an ER physician, or a pediatrician, or surgeon--and why? Would you choose to be in a group private practice or a community clinic, and why? Would you choose to work diredtly for an HMO clinic, or just sign up for certain insurance companies? How do you think various aspects of insurance/HMO/PPO would affect your practice and why? You might, if it seems to fit and is important to you, get into ethical considerations that might apply to certain types of practices. If there are meaningful examples from your personal experience of practicing professionals, practices, or clinics, use them. How do you expect to interact with your patients? Educate them?

Your final product must fit in the space on the form. You will need to consider the importance of each word and the wording of each sentence to eliminate excess verbiage, but keeping the essentials of each description intact. This is sort of like writing a prose poem, where each word has significance.

Good luck!