Double negative behavior

As the daughter of a schoolteacher, there was never an excuse for bad grammar. Ain't is not a word; it's "we were," not "we was." Of course, I still suffered from grammar lapses. Once I was out of my parents' house and in college, my grammar degenerated. But to many people I still speak very properly.

Proper speech hasn't always been a plus for me. I was often told I was "acting white." That never made any sense to me. If being smart and disciplined was acting white, did that mean black people had a monopoly on begin stupid and unruly? And what always surprised me was how often other black people would say this to me as if I should be ashamed for knowing that you don't put double negatives in a sentence.

To this day people say odd things to me, such as they could tell I grew up around white people (which I didn't) or that I went to all-white schools (which I didn't). Up until the age of 13 I lived in an all-black suburb. Then my family moved and I lived in a more diverse neighborhood. When I started attending my new junior high, I was made aware that I wasn't black enough by my peers, white and black. All my life I had lived around black people and "acting black" was never really a question. But my new junior high school was full of black students who had always attended predominately white schools.

I did not fulfill their notions of what a black person should be. The minute they found out what school I had come from, they wanted to know how many fights I'd been in or seen, if I'd been in a gang and if I'd ever used drugs. I was 13 and a mama's girl. I hadn't done anything like that and didn't know anyone who did. I thought they were all mistaken. But sure enough, they believed in the stereotype. Once they realized I wasn't a stereotype, they labeled me as some kind of fluke and set me out to pasture. I spent most of the eighth grade bonding with myself.

Thus the story of my life, set out to pasture because I couldn't slur my words and overuse slang with the best of them. During African-American History Month, we study the intelligent, hard-working and creative men and women who helped shaped our world. No one ever questions whether W.E.B. DuBois or Booker T. Washington were being anything other than black because they were intelligent and didn't use double negatives. Yet on an individual basis, people behave as if an entire race had a corner on improper English. When did people become so proud of being ignorant? I've seen many of my peers brag about a poor grade on a paper as if failing were something to be proud of. Some students wear their failures like a badge, believing it is proof to themselves and the world of their inferiority. They were told they were inferior growing up, now in college they have the "F" to prove it.

This mentality is prevalent at SIUE where black male enrollment and retention is down, a phenomenon that has been occurring across the United States. Some students may have come to believe while growing up that they had to hide their academic success to maintain friends. Others were never able to get over the negative impact of being labeled as wanting to be white because they did well in school. They seem permanently stuck playing dumb as an excuse to keep from trying.

The root to this problem within the black community is difficult to pinpoint because it wasn't always this way. In St. Louis, African-Americans once went to school on a boat in the middle of the river to learn secretively and in peace. Many people risked their lives for a promise of an education. Unable to never have one of their own, they fought for the promise that their children might receive one. Then, as the generation that didn't remember the struggle was born, the ones who has struggled failed to educate their children about that struggle.

Often people of African descent from other countries criticize African-Americans for their not knowing their own history. Although many African-Americans work hard to keep the masses informed, countless others simply ignore the past, feeling it is too painful or not valuable enough to bring up. Therefore, forgetting the struggle and living in the aftermath, my generation often received mixed messages on what it is to be black. A desire to fit in and be cool took over. A need to glorify the inglorious remained.

But all hope isn't lost. After surviving the name-calling and loneliness, we made it to college. People still act a little too proud over their ability to miss or get out of classes they are paying for, but it is human nature to try to put positive spins on things we know are wrong. But in college, some of us realized that being intelligent is the way to go. After all, you are paying for your education and it is for your benefit. Some people take longer than others, but most eventually realize what they need to do to have a successful life.

There is no such thing as acting white or acting black. Biology will make you one or the other. A person can take on the culture and the mannerisms of a particular group, but ignorance and being proud of ignorance knows no racial or cultural boundaries. Ignorance only knows ignorance and nothing good ever comes of it.