Alkaline Trio electrifies the Side Door

BY TOBIE DEPAUW

LIFESTYLE REPORTER

Alkaline means basic, and basically, these guys just plain ROCK!

The group gave some students a marvelous preview Friday night at the Side Door in St. Louis. They opened for Orangetree's CD Release party along with Celery and First Grade Crush.

In my opinion, this was a great injustice. They deserved to be headlining. I think a good section of the crowd would agree with me. Upon Dan's (bass/vocals) request, the scene was set with only blue stage lights, "because rock n' roll comes from the blues." Already a fan of the boys, I knew I was in for a treat when I walked in the door. Another added bonus was a possible interview with a couple of the guys. I was more than pumped to see exactly what these guys could throw at me. Hopefully, I caught it all. Here's what happened as recorded by drummer Glenn Porter, who opted to write everything down to keep his writing skills at a socially acceptable level. Together with Matt Skiba, lead guitar and vocals, I had a beautiful little chat with this Alkaline Pair:

Tobie DePauw: So guys, what exactly is it like to rock SO hard?

Matt: Very well, thank you. It's kind of like someone pushing bananas into your rectum.

Glenn: Well thank you! We love this stuff-we've dreamed of doing it since elementary school.

TD: For all the kids at home, what exactly would you call your music?

Alk2: Punk F---g Rawk!

TD: How do you feel about your music being called Emo?

M: We hate it!

G: Emo comes from EmoCore, and this is a better term. Emo now seems generic. We get emotional when we play this music, but we don't want to be lumped in with a generic group. i.e. Emo Bands

TD: Are you planning on touring this summer?

Alk2: Yes! With Lustre King! And we are F---g Excited as HisELL!

TD: Since both Matt and Dan sing, how do you guys decide who sings each song?

M: Indian leg wrestling.

TD: Why doesn't Glenn get to sing his own song?

M: Sometimes it gets too heavy when he sings. Can you say orgasmic frenzy? Glenn inspires those.

TD: OK, now let's get down to business and get to what is really important here. What are your favorite Simpsons characters?

G: Lisa. Well, no Bart, I empathize with him, you know, a misunderstood kid in a dysfunctional family.

M: Homer and Barney, even tie.

Dan (answered for by Matt and Glenn): Smithers. Straight up.

(Short break for Simpsons quotes)

TD: Right on. What's the first word that comes to mind when I say this word: Navel.

G: Fill. Unpierced.

M: TRUCK!

D(by M and G): Smithers!

( Another break for more Simpsons quotes and mindless laughter)

TD: So what's your favorite place to play in the whole wide world?

Alk2: Fireside Bowl, Chicago.

TD: So who's the best live acts you've ever seen? Nomeansno?

G: Yeah, but the Ministry/Lard/Pailhead Tour in '89 and Fugazi in '99 are tied with them.

M: Yeah, I have a three-way tie between Ani DiFranco '95, Fugazi '98, and Nomeansno.

TD: Rock on. Thanks to you I went and witnessed Nomeansno live. What a spectacle. What's your favorite place to regular when you're in St. Louis?

M: We don't come here often enough to have certain places, but we mostly like to hang out at the Side Door and Cris Debolt's house.

TD: If there was a degree in what you guys are doing right now, what would it be called?

G: Spelunking.

M: This is the School of Hard Knocks!

TD: Is this what you guys want to do for the rest of your life?

Alk2: Yes...

M: ...unless we win the lottery, in which case we'd then immediately join the Air Force. So, really, yes. This is what we want to do for the rest of our lives.

Alk2: Got any more questions?

TD: Nope, got any more answers? Anything else to say?

G: Yeah. We want a Bubble Chopper, so if anyone has a Popular Science from the early '80s, give us a call. And if anyone has the Alkaline Trio tattoo, please contact us. You get in free to our shows. Yep, just like Rocket from the Crypt.

Alk2: peace.

I am sure the endless streams of sarcasm and laughs will never be properly portrayed in print, but this interview was hilarious. These guys needed absolutely no prodding at all to say funny things. They were great guys and wish to talk again someday, probably very soon. Seeing as they will be HERE! On the SIUE Campus! Tomorrow at 1:30 p. m. in the Quad during Springfest! I heavily encourage all of you people out there in Alestle-land to come out and see the Trio. They are worth skipping any class I can think of, but my priorities are a bit different than most. I guarantee an entertaining performance, so drop the books for a few minutes and take time to rock out. Now if I could only take time from rocking out to pick up some books, I might take part in this thing called higher education.